Our plans for moving to DC have firmed up. We're moving on the 12th of August, and I pray that I have my DC teaching license by then. The new teacher induction is on the 17th, and the teachers have to come in for work on the 22nd. I also pray that nothing goes wrong with the legal papers I need. Some things are a bit up in the air: I need to be enrolled in Johns Hopkins University as soon as possible, I hope I get admitted before August. I'm also waiting for my PRAXIS II test results, which ought to be coming any day now. I passed my PRAXIS I PPST:Reading, Writing, and Math tests - each state has different requirements, and thank goodness I passed the bar for both DC and Maryland. Actually I passed for any state. I was especially worried about the Math part (since I'm soooo brilliant in that subject), but surprisingly, my score for Math was the same as what I got for Writing: either I did much better for Math or my Writing has gone to the dogs. I hope it's the former. ^_^

Some folks have asked about family plans - Hubby and I are waiting until we're somewhat settled - probably next year. I'll try to time it for summer so I don't have to be out of school too much, and I can spend more time with the offspring. You'll be updated, never fear. It will be the first for both our families, so it's sure to be a momentous event. I have to say, I'm looking forward to it, although I am also a bit apprehensive. Having a baby's going to be a huge responsibility and investment of time and money, pragmatically speaking. But, if God wills it...

Anyway, looking forward to hearing from you. ^_^ Do comment, if you wish.

I gave in my resignation letter last 22 June. That's that. I've burned my bridges at last. It's a bit scary, but also exhilarating; I hated keeping it from people, but I had to decide before the Central Office closed for vacation. It's very sad, because I owe a lot to this district I had been working with for the past two years. I've been very happy with my school, and if it were not only for the work opportunities for my husband and proximity to family and more cultural activities, I would have wanted to stay. McAllen is a pretty area, and very much like the Philippines in terms of climate and people. However, like Colayco Hall (on the left; where I first set eyes on my husband and where I had a lot of happy times hanging out with my barkada and ACIL orgmates), some good things have to come to an end. I've enjoyed my sojourn in South Texas, but perhaps it's time to move on. I have to test my comfort zone, and this seems to be one way.

My good friend asked me about the 15 characteristics I was looking for, so I'm writing them here, with a few pithy comments. I think that book was from the chicken soup for the soul series. This is an excerpt from my journal:

16 April 2000

From the book I read yesterday, I picked up some advice about looking for a husband.

1) Make a long list of attributes you'd like in your partner.
2) Study that list carefully and pare down the number to about 15 qualities.
3) Review that list again to see if you have all those qualities you are seeking in someone else (for personal growth).
4) Create an open space in your life for this person to come in by freeing yourself from dead-end relationships and casual dates.
5) Be in gratitude to your Higher Power, for your perfect mate is on the way. You won't need to seek your partner out or force the process along. You can watch as events unfold and not be concerned about the outcome. You can relax now.

I thought some of this was hokum, too, until things started happening.

Here's my list:

Someone who has a good relationship with God, himself, and others.
A man with integrity.(An unbelievably rare commodity nowadays.)
A man I can respect and who respects me in return.
A man who encourages me to be myself and to live up to my potentials; A man who supports my growth.
A man who accepts me for myself and loves me regardless. (He makes me feel beautiful when I wake up, even if the mirror says otherwise.)
A man who is my best friend. (I don't feel like I have to conceal the bad and ugly parts of me from him.)
A man who always thinks of others before himself, looking at things from others' perspectives; a man who is considerate and thoughtful (Actually, sometimes he can be too much in this area)
A man who is intelligent, not only mind-wise but heart-wise. (Especially when it comes to stuff to be done around the house. ^_^)
A man who is caring and loving and not afraid to show it.
A man who inspires me and convinces me that life can be lived to the fullest with him.
A strong man who knows his weaknesses but strives to improve.
A man who I can converse with for hours about both deep issues and inconsequential things; I can share big and little things with.
A man who strives to make the world a better place.
A man with a wonderful sense of humour.
A man who supports our family (financially and otherwise) very well, enough to enable me to concentrate on nurturing our family and being a writer. (This is still ongoing, as he's pursuing his MBA and we're making plans)
A man who considers me the most important person in the world. (When I ask him why he loves me, his stock reply is, "You're my wife, you're my life, you're the one who makes me happy, you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with." He's really good with words, isn't he?)

I have to say, I already met Hubby by this time, but didn't consider him as I didn't know him yet. How well he matched that list gradually unfolded, in God's time. All I can say is, I wish others the same happiness I'm experiencing as a married individual. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry expressed it very well,

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."

After all, if people think that love is all looking with stars into each other's eyes, we'll all end up a bunch of cross-eyed people. ^_^

This is some information on the socially similar, psychologically opposite theory of love that I mentioned earlier.

"Looks have always been valued, but in recent decades, physical attractiveness of the partner has become even more important to both sexes. Men may admit their interest more openly, however. Men talk about being "leg men," "breast men," etc. and some women admit to being interested in "nice buns," "hairy legs," "broad shoulders," etc. No doubt body build influences who we seek out as well as how we feel about our own attractiveness. About 28% of single males consider themselves attractive; they are among the more socially active and assertive. Only about 13% of single females consider themselves to be pretty (Harper's, 1985). Interestingly, good looking women are happy with their social lives, but they tend to be less socially skilled and less assertive than other women (perhaps because very attractive people are sometimes resented and rejected by their own sex). Nevertheless, other people generally expect beautiful people to be poised, sociable, strong, interesting, happy and successful, thus, scaring off the insecure. In reality, many attractive people are shy and insecure themselves. Also, research shows that good looks in one's youth has little to do with middle-aged happiness or marital satisfaction (Brehm, 1985).

We are also likely to pursue a potential lover who is similar to us, i.e. likes attract. This includes family background, education, age, religion, personality (dominance, nurturance, mood), attitudes (opinions, beliefs), and physical attractiveness. Sharon Brehm suggests that we think Mr. or Ms. Right is just like us, only just a little better! Some writers (Brothers, 1984) believe that we should seek a mate who is, in some ways, our psychological opposite, e.g. if we are tense and shy, we should select a secure and outgoing partner; if we are a big spender, select a saver; if impulsive, select a careful, logical, controlled partner and so on. Certainly one partner can sometimes compensate for the other's weaknesses or extremes but it surely isn't always best to select our psychological opposite. Two highly controlling people wouldn't relate well. We need to be similar on some traits and different on others, but we don't yet know what mix is best. Eva Klohnen, at the University of Iowa, is researching the possibility that we are attracted to people with characteristics we like in ourselves and to people who do not have the characteristics we dislike in ourselves. Finding a wonderful, permanent partner is complex."

(http://mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/chap10/chap10b.htm)

True, we shouldn't be looking for someone who's the total opposite of who we are, otherwise, there would be no middle ground to meet in. What's important is that the factors that we're psychologically opposing in will strengthen the relationship and keep things interesting. For example, Hubby's easygoing and I'm more intense.

I liked this sonnet so much I memorized it. Once I understood it, it represented what love is, for me:

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

 Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

 Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

 That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

 Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

 Within his bending sickle's compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

 But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

 I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Sonnet CXVI (116)
William Shakespeare
(1564-1616)

A really good friend asked me, "What makes marriage fun?" after I told him that I enjoyed being married. My response to him was this:

what makes marriage so fun? offhand, people will say that it's because we're still in our honeymoon stages (and i hope we'll always be). according to this love style test i took that's on my blog, it's because my love style is storge: "For you, love and friendship are almost the same thing, And your love tends to be the enduring, long lasting kind." C. S. Lewis will identify it as the co-existence of friendship and eros. my definition would fall under, i chose to love him and thus everything else fell in with that decision. of course, leading to that choice were all the factors taken into consideration: his basic kind disposition with the inability to wilfully hurt another, the sense of responsibility to be a steward of the world we live in, the sense of humour and camaraderie he possesses, and most of all, that he and i are both helping each other on the journey to paradise. these are all more lofty restatements of what i wrote in my journal before. of course it didn't hurt that he was visually appealing to me. but that was secondary.

I told my friend that I would have more details for him. Actually, my husband and I first beheld each other in the school newspaper's staff room at college, and sorry to disappoint, there were no sparks or "heated-looks-across-a-crowded-room" type or that kind of romantic nonsense. It was definitely not love at first sight. I thought he looked snobbish, and he couldn't distinguish me from my sister. As it turned out, whenever I saw him in the org room, he had just had a nap. And much later on, I would find out that when he smiles, the sun comes out.

Anyway, fast-forward to five years later, when my sister introduced him to me. It was three o'clock in the morning and I had just got off the boat, literally. I felt filthy and groggy, and in no mood to get to know tall, fair, cute semi-strangers. He, being wakened from slumber, was not in the mood for love either. (As you have noticed, this guy needs his sleep. Probably why he's tall and I'm not. ^_^ Thank goodness the tall gene is dominant; our kids will have a fighting chance.)

A few months later, he was with us shopping in EDSA Shangri-la, and he told me later that he noticed on the escalator that he had never seen prettier ankles in his life. I was in a skirt then, having run out of jeans and slacks to wear. But nothing developed until a couple of years later when he asked for help to look for a job. I obliged, since I like helping friends out. He took me out in the evenings, I thought, out of gratitude; he thought we were going out on dates. Then he realized that I treated everyone the same way I did him. Then he caught me unawares... (use your imagination here) and the next thing I knew, we were a couple. I actually found out from his best friend.

Well, after three years together, I was set to leave for the US as the next step in my career. He disliked it whenever I would ask if we were breaking up before I left; as far as I knew, he was so nationalistic he didn't want to live anywhere else. He proposed the Monday after Easter - over the phone! Talk about unromantic. I was so astonished I said yes. After that, I tried to give him a way out, but he wouldn't hear of it.

It was at this point that I realized that God sure granted my prayers: my first love would also be my last. I actually thought, before meeting him, that I was destined to be married to my career. But God always gives me more than I wish for: that's the trend in my life. I ask Him, he sometimes says no, but only to give me something better than I had hoped for. I had written down 15 qualities that I would want my husband to possess: Hubby fulfilled every condition. And every single day Hubby and I are together I love him even more. As much as possible, I choose to see the good in him and to encourage him to be the best he can, and he does the same for me. Sometimes we slip, but we don't sleep until the matter is resolved.

I got the idea for the 15 characteristics from something I read. First of all, you have to make yourself ready. Free yourself of unhealthy attachments, aspire to develop the same characteristics that you want in a partner (it's no fair otherwise), write down what you determine are the 15 qualities you can't live without in your life partner (you can write lots more, but pare them down to 15, anyway, a lot of characteristics can be subsumed into others) and then let it all go and trust God that the your soulmate (for lack of a better term) is on his/her way.

When I think of my husband, the song "Didn't know I was looking for love 'til I found you" by Everything But the Girl drifts into my head. That's true, I wasn't looking at all when he popped back into my life. I think, once you're ready, love happens. But I don't like the term "fall in love", because it implies you had nothing whatsoever to do with that decision, and also if you can fall in, you can most definitely fall out. That's why I prefer to say you choose to love another. Choice is a God-given right. And choosing to love is a conscious act. It must be well-thought and well-felt, both mind and heart.

I also subscribe to the socially similar, psychologically opposite theory of partnership. If you are psychologically similar, you'll bore each other to death. If you're socially opposite, then there will be some unevenness in the relationship, unless both are pretty flexible. Another consideration is that you both enter into marriage thinking this is forever, no divorce allowed. Divorce is such an abysmal excuse for not trying hard enough, or for not thoroughly thinking out the decision to get married. It allows people to think that they don't have to work at their marriage since they can always separate. And marriage is hard work. What matters a lot is openness, trust and fidelity. Plus it's imperative to agree on the basic things: how many kids, how to bring them up, and matching answers to issues that Discovery Weekend or Engaged Encounter (or other similar seminars for couples considering marriage) brings forth. How to handle money is the perennial prickly problem. I have to admit, I'm so glad Hubby is more responsible than I am and he teaches me about this aspect of life. Which reminds me, one fact about marriage I'm realizing is that you have to be open to learning more from one another, and be humble enough to admit when you're wrong. Pride is a cold bedfellow, and why sacrifice snuggling for that?

There are aberrations, of course. I had a cousin who was with her boyfriend for ten years before marrying and then she found out what a wifebeater he was. There are always small signals that one has to pay attention to: how does s/he get along with others? How does s/he treat others who are smaller and weaker, or less-privileged? Is there a potential for violence? What do your family/friends think of him/her? I'm not saying that you should base your decisions on what everybody says, but feedback from others who are trustworthy and have only your best interests at heart should be considered. After all, oftentimes, the eyes that look with love look through rose-coloured spectacles.

Do I sound like a "head-over-heart" person? I guess I am, a bit. My husband will dispute that and say that I'm quite the emotional sort, between the two of us, and that's also true. I suppose it's more accurate to say that when I chose to love him, I started seeing things more clearly. I don't believe that love is supposed to make your life more complicated. To me, it should make life easier for the both of you.

All in all, I'm sure I'll still have a lot to write about on this subject. But the gist is this: love comes when you're ready. Julia Fordham has a beautiful song that relates to this: "Love moves in mysterious ways" which I've always liked. She's always been one of my favourite singers and this song is one of her best. This website has it, don't like the video though:
(http://theonenetwork.com/music_videos/julia_fordham/827/(love_moves_in)_mysterious_ways_56.html) And you have to prepare yourself, if you really desire a once-in-a-lifetime love. Love songs or movies or romance novels can sometimes hit the nail on the head but they can also deceive you by providing you with the wrong impression of what love ought to be. What do you want love to be? We all have different yardsticks and varying perspectives. For me, love is very simple: looking at the sunsets together (literally and figuratively), showing love and affection for each other, laughing and singing together, being happy for each other, praying together, holding each other close, always appreciating each other and most of all, growing together. I love travelling, and even if he couldn't join me, Hubby let me go, because he knew it was good for my growth. I let him do the same, and the reunions have spiced up our life. Since we got married though, we've tried to travel together as much as possible. One of the most important things in any relationship you want to keep - never take each other for granted: that's the death knell of relationships.

Every night, my husband and I say our prayers together (even the times we've been apart - it happens over the phone), we pray for each other and our families, and at the end, tell each other: "I love you today, sweetheart, because..." That's one way to constantly show appreciation and not taking each other for granted.

I am really looking forward to the time when we'll have our own family, and we can make traditions together. We want to raise our children the way we were: secure in love and joyful in living.

All rights to this cartoon is Bill Watterson's. If you like him as much as I do, you can check out the website below. http://www.ucomics.com/calvinandhobbes/index.phtml

This was my Hubby's love letter to me (one of the rare times he deigned to write). After you read it, I'm sure you'll realize why I chose to love this guy. He wrote while he was out-of-town:

Dearest ___,

I couldn't help smiling today because I knew that in just a few hours we would be together again.

Just a little more than a week ago, I never imagined that I would be so happy. I didn't know what was going on in that busy little head of yours and I was too afraid to risk losing a great friend if you didn't take kindly to my affection.

But isn't it a waste to miss out on what we have now just to play safe and keep from getting burned? Yes it is.

I can't tell you what the future is for us. Whether we will be together or apart. I'm glad we can talk openly about most everything. I just want to love you, to share all that I am with you.

I know that there are still many things that you want to do and see. I want you to be happy, and don't ever let me hold you back. Anyway, I don't think I really can.

That's what I love about you. I know that your intellect and emotion don't always agree. But I know that you want to love your life based on good, conscientious choices.

I also love the woman in you. The one that knows how to care and how to touch. The one that sings to my ear and sleeps on my shoulder.

You said that you chose to love me. You're the first person to ever say that to me and when I heard it the first time, I really didn't understand it completely. When I think of it now, I wonder, why me?

I really don't know if you'll ever be able to explain to me, but your choice has given me so much. It's like I could live an anonymous, seemingly unremarkable life and I would still feel like the happiest man alive.

There's so much I want to tell you face to face. All this time we've been together and apart, so many thoughts have gone through my mind.

I guess that it's the friend and not only the lover that I want to talk about life with. I love being human with you, to be both body and soul. To talk and to touch, telling things to each other in many ways.

I'm almost home, you know? Where the heart is.

Love,
_____